Magic Mike | Thursday 03.12.26

0:00 Want more Treehouse, check out our YouTube exclusive shows at YouTube dot com. Slash at Treehouse on air. It is time to leave your worries outside and laugh with us inside the Treehouse. I'm Daniel Malley along with Trey Trindholm and Jerry Caldwell. Coming up on today's show, I didn't know you could drain these. Trey has a big arch review hopefully that will rival the McDonald's CEO. And there's a new party trick crashing bachelorette parties. That's all today Inside the Treehouse show. But first.

0:53 We are going to start with felonious fishing. Over the years, I have fought all of these types of stories because I am so intrigued by those that not only cheat to get ahead in life in general, but especially those that do it in the very illustrious sport of fishing. A North Texas angler was arrested after officials say he's stuffed three weights inside of a bass during a Lake Fort fishing tournament in an attempt to win a prize of over ten thousand dollars. So if you're wondering why anglers are cheating at bass tournaments, it's because money. Lots and lots of money. It's not just about a trophy in bragging rights. Tournament staff noticed something suspicious at the wigh in when a metal detector alerted them to objects inside the fish. Yes, this is so common.

1:55 They run the fish through metal detector. Game Wards later confirmed the weights and found similar ones on the angler's boat, and because the prize exceeded ten thousand dollars, the alleged cheating resulted in a third degree felony charge under Texas Fishing Tournament Law. Texas Tournament Fishing Law. If ever, there was a time for you to feel slighted that whatever law you want passed in Texas hasn't yet. Just know it's now worse knowing there's a Texas Tournament Fishing law in front of it. It's no bs in Texas. It's like football beer fishing.

2:38 It's like it's your holy trinity right there. You can't. I grew up fishing. I enjoyed it. It was never competitive at it. And again, I don't really know how many fish my grandfather had in his stock pond. Some days it felt like none. But I felt out of fishing. You know, It's like I think the last time I was ever actually consistent fishing was like eleven or twelve years old. As an adult man, if someone says, now, hey, you want to go fishing, I'm like, eh, And it's not because I don't enjoy it. It's because it's been so long. I'm afraid to go because I can't do it very well. I don't want to be the guy that asks my buddy, hey, can you tie this for me?

3:27 It's not fun when you emasculate yourself, and so I don't typically seek that out. Anybody ever, fite you to go fishing. Just let me know. I'll give you a little tie in tutorial. You'll be good. It's easy because all I end up doing is just tying like fifty knots in the thing and just hoping for the best twist and loop. Twist and loop. Is it basically you're just making a little noose kind of on the fishing line. Yeah, I'm not going to say I know how to tie a noose. I'm just saying I think I know how. So I mean, do you know what a good bass boat costs? I don't.

4:10 I know what. I know. Boats are shockingly expensive. Bass boats are shockingly even more shockingly expensive because you're not. It's not like you're getting a cruiser or you know, something that can hold ten people, but you know, a good a new bass boat top of the line. You're talking sixty seventy thousand dollars. Woo woo. Does that include the motor? Yeah, okay, just make it sure because I've never bought a boat. That's the thing with.

4:52 And I hate that I even know anything about this, but at one point I had a friend who decided he wanted to be a on the bass phishing tour. And the thing that makes it it's not just the prize money, but it's the sponsorship deals where you get get the goods, because I mean, you ever, if you ever look at these guys, you know, they look like a NASCAR car. They've got patches everywhere and sponsorships and everything else. So you win a tournament, it's a lot more than.

5:33 The prize money. So here for a twenty twenty six Phoenix twenty one x E Penci. We're looking at a twenty one and a half foot boat. It's got a Mercury engine two hundred and fifty horsepower. It's very sleek, it's purple, it's beautiful. Take a guess how much costs. What year is it again? Twenty twenty six and it's an XL E. Close enough. Yeah, I don't, I don't freaking no, it's and it's got a Mercury two fifty on her. All right, I'll go based on Trey's earlier range. That is common. I'll go fifty.

6:21 Five, all right, Tray, Yeah, sixty five. One hundred and nine, nine and ninety five dollars brand new, and you can have it. I was a little off. Now that's top end obviously, Jesus. Like living where I live, you know, in the in the Virgin Islands, I see really really nice boats every single day, and I see the entire range of them, like yesterday, looking down into the harbor. In addition to cruise ships, there were three massive yachts. And when I say massive now, I mean like stop you dead in your tracks, massive yachts like the mega yacht style, you know, like the the Lady that is one of the main heirs of Walmart. Her boat called Chaos comes here pretty often.

7:27 That's a boat I want to get on, and you know it when you see it. David Geffen, the record producer media mogul. He's got his yacht Rising Sun. You know that when you see it, it's a big frickin' boat. But then yesterday there's like three out in the harbor that just dwarfed all these other yachts, which, by the way, the regular yachts are still nothing to turn your nose up back because they're probably five to ten million dollar yachts that these other yachts are making look like bathtub toys. And then when you have a big boat like that, you have to have what's called a tender boat, which is the boat that tends to the big boat. Because it's so big, it can't go into shallow waters to get stuff, so you have to have a smaller boat.

8:12 Those smaller boats are still six figures, usually a center console type of deal. He's at least two fifty. So one hundred thousand dollars bass boat, why not. Yeah, those boats you're talking about, they can traverse the seas, oh yeah, yeah, and they do good on Texoma. Yeah yeah. I don't think I want to take I don't want to take one hundred thousand dollars bass boat to the Gulf. Maybe stay in the bay at most, but I'm definitely not going to take my one hundred thousand dollars bass boat across the Atlantic to see if I can redo the route of the Titanic. These cheating fishing stories always fascinate me, and the fact that it's a felony because of the prize money involved is outstanding because I just I want to be in I don't typically want to be in prison. Just want that made clear. However, I would love to be a fly on the wall in the cell. When that guy gets to prison and his sell he asks him, so, what are you in for?

9:26 And he says fishing. I can't imagine that gets you a whole lot of cred inside prison. No, I imagine he's going to learn a new meaning to fish hook though. I think I might actually fly out of cell for that part. You're listening to the Treehouse. It is online Treehouse on air dot com. Eight three three cookdf W is the phone number you will need to reach Daniel Cook at COOKDFW Roofing and Restoration.

10:10 Use that to schedule your free roof inspection and property review today. Look, let's be honest, the roofing industry is not the most well regarded on the consumer side because there are so many fly by night slash straight up fraudsters out there taking advantage of homeowners. What's what's a homeowner to do? Daniel Buyer Beware, Buyer, Beware. I can't stress out enough. We talk about this all the time. You as a homeowner responsible for who you have on your property, how they repair it. And there's not much support that's going to be given to you. So do your due diligence. Do the you know, discovery on the company you're using. Find out what their reviews, you know, ask for some references.

10:51 Are they local, do they have they already done, you know, work in your neighborhood. Before we just had this happen, we had a client that we worked on several homes around them. They unfortunately went with a contractor that was based out of Houston. They drove up here after the last storm in September. They went door knocking. They asked this client to get their business from told they had all this crew, they had all these specially people that could handle their their you know, problems with their home. Well, you know, five months into this now they have more problems than they actually had after the storm, because now they've let somebody that painted their house wrong overspray on the brick, you know, the garage doors not you know, put in there correctly. Windows are not sealed around. They broke brit trying to install the windows. They tried to put carpet in a bedroom and they left a big seam all the way down the middle of the room.

11:38 So you can see this huge seam in this carpet. Just there's a mountain of lists. And now unfortunately this homeowner's finding themselves they had to hire a lawyer, spend money on litigation up front, because most lawyers aren't going to take that on pro bono or anything. Now they're fighting this contractor on doing the right thing with their home, and they're just asking the contractor to relieve them so also of any liability. They're willing to pay them a small amount of money of the things they've already done, which they're actually going to spend more money. To fix them. But these are the things that you have to do, and the company is not willing to do the right thing, you know. That's that's the red flag in itself. But unfortunately, now this homeowner's going to go through all of this huge lawyer litigation stuff and all this and is going to drag out the repairs on their home. So now they're going to be out repairs on the home another six eight nine months.

12:26 Maybe save yourself the headaches, save yourself the possible nightmares. If you need something done around your home, especially when it comes to your roof, called Daniel and Kerry Cook today eight three three Cook DFW eight three three Cook DFW get that free inspection scheduled. You can also check out the website cookdfw dot com. You're in the treehouse, visit us online at the Treehouse OnAir dot com. This segment of the Treehouse is brought to you. Buy COOKDFW Roofing and Restoration to get your free roof inspection scheduled today eight three to three Cook DFW. That's eight three three Cook DFW. That also comes with a free property review. You can also take a look at the website cook dfw dot com and telling the Boys in the Treehouse ASSENTI I'm Dan along with Trey and Jerry inside the Treehouse on our Ultimate Treehouse live stream earlier this week, which are Patreon subscribers, our Ultimate Treehouse Patreon subscribers we're able to enjoy. We talked about the McDonald's CEO, going viral for his unboxing and eating of the new Big Arch available from McDonald's. I believe for a limited time.

13:55 I don't know if this is a special thing and it's gonna go away, or if this is just a brand new menu item and it's a staple. I think it's a brand new item. Good for them, because I mean, look, it sounds good. It sounds like everything I would want to burger, which is a lot of meat, and his awkward way of eating it went crazy viral. It inspired all the other CEOs of the fast food companies to eat their products for social media and do it better. So yeah, we had fun discussing that the other night. But that also inspired Trey. Trey, you felt so inspired by Chris k the CEO of McDonald's, that you went out and tried a big Arch.

14:37 I did. I did, And I'm gonna have to say, it's a tasty burger, all right, good for them? I was, first of all, he is not like it is a big burger. I could not. Like I could have finished it all, but I would have been miserable. I ate about three quarters of it, and I was stuffed. Really Yeah, and and and I can put down some food. I will. Here is my Yeah. Now that's how you take a bite of a burger. Yeah, there you go, Chris k CEO of McDonald's.

15:20 That's a hut. That's how you take a bite out of a hamburger like a damn man. But yeah, it doesn't like I said, it's it is a big burger. It is it's I knew exactly what he was talking about when he said it is uniquely McDonald's. It absolutely tastes like a McDonald's burger. It is a kin to a Big Mac with just but the sauce is a little different and it and it uses a white cheddar cheese instead of American, uh, big back American or. Cheddar probably American American I think. But still excellent burger. I highly recommend. You know it's fattening as hell.

16:05 Well sure, I mean yes, this is this is not this is not typical food. If you're going for a six pack, yeah, on your stomach. If you want to splurge, go get yourself a Big Arch. They are a very good burger. We had here. The McDonald's Big Arch is a large, limited time burger featuring two four ounce beef patties, making it a half pound of meat, three slices of white cheddar cheese, crispy and slivered onions, pickles, lettuce, and a new tiny big Arch sauce served on a toasted sesame and poppy seed bun boasting. I don't know if they boast it, but that's what it says here in the description boasting one thy twenty to one and seventy calories.

16:57 So I could see why you would be a little full tray. I mean, that's half a day's worth the calories. But definitely H. Like I said, I will always say McDonald's double cheeseburger you can never go wrong with it. Gets it gets on my list of all time solid fast food burgers, I would put it right there. It would be one A one B with with a double meat from Waterburger Waterburger double God bless it. So h but yeah, the big arch solid, highly recommend. All right, I'll have to see if my McDonald has it, and if so, I will also give it a try.

17:40 And if I do, I will also take a photo of my bite. There you go. That's how you do a GD promotion right there. McDonald's. You can make your checks out to trade payable to. Hey, well, I guess that's fair. He did it first. Well that's right. Yeah, literally, if you ever do get one, HE'LLI like, I look at that picture. I'm like, my bite normally looks a lot bigger on a burger. I think, so damn big that Uh it's it doesn't look that impressive, fair enough, but. It's nice and uniform. I mean, that's a good looking bite there. I mean, I'm not a dentist or anything, but I think you look good. Hey, thanks, you're welcome.

18:26 All right. Bride'smaids are switching up their traditional bachelorette party, and they bride's maids swear that this new trend at bachelorette parties is better than a stripper. I'm trying to decide if I want to ask you guys this in a like a believe it or not scenario or a wrong answers only, or just straight up tell you. As long as the trend in of them not going to bars whatever. Spoken like a true bitter former service industry employee.

19:11 Yeah, they're there. There are some things that just immediately make you cringe if you know they're coming. And a bachelorette party is one of them. The party bus pulls up. Everybody puckers loud, just loud. Want free shit, just oh, sat out in the tiaras and ugh no. Your worst nightmare loud and entitled. Oh. Brides to be are changing the rules. They have decided to leave the traditional bachelorette parties stripper in the past in favor of something else to entertain them. Magicians. Uh huh, good, hold on to that thought trick, because I think you and I are probably in the same place, according to an Australian magician. According to an Australian magician, he says he's noticed a massive surge in requests for his services at bachelorette parties over the past year. He says, I've noticed a big shift away from traditional bachelorette entertainment. Every group or bridesmaid who books me says the same thing.

20:41 They want something everyone can participate in and enjoy it without being awkward or tacky. The focus has shifted from spectacle to connection and creating really memorable experiences, says the magician. He also says his services typically last an hour and he performs a series of magic tricks from mind reading to card games. This year alone, he says he's been booked for over twenty bachelorette parties. He also says, I'm seeing more mixed generations at these events, with magic providing an incredible and unique opportunity to break down walls and connect attendees very quickly. This magician says that performing at bachelorette parties is truly is truly, quite special. He also said that he'll frequently overhear his guests saying that he was so much better than a stripper.

21:33 Sure. Look, I've seen magicians operate in the bar environment before, and it's always fascinating to see them come in and you know, within ten minutes, they've got a small crowd around them. Right, So I could see how having a magician at a party might be fun. It's certainly surprising to hear that bachelorettes are saying, you know what I really wanted my bachelorette party is a magician. Yeah. There. I don't know if you're thinking of the same. There's a guy who runs around Uptown has for years. His name is Dave, and he does magic tricks. He goes in and out of the bars. He's I knew. I knew his mentor, who was a far better uh the magician slash drug dealer slash pool shark.

22:26 It's important. Doc was one of a kind. I Doc was this this very unique character. He also did security and and everyone thought it was. Just absolute bullshit. But then like when you know, one time, like he shows up with Britney Spears and uh that yeah, he would show up with random celebrities and even like Owen and Luke Wilson came to his funeral. But he would also say he was a frequent of the of the Old Loon. And then but you would go anywhere Greenville, uptown, I mean a deep elum whatever, and like you'd be at some and a bar and all was an eat. See Doc pop in and obviously he was. It was something transactional sure, but uh but Dave, Yeah, if this was true to this is the the absolute thing Dave has been waiting on for twenty five years.

23:18 His dream might be might be coming true. Because let me offer a word of warning for grooms, just because how do I want to phrase this? If your bride to be tells you that at her bachelorette parties, she's not going to have a stripper, but instead is going to have a magician as the groom to be. Don't feel so sure that nothing will happen mm hm, because you just know that at the somewhere in the middle of that magician's act, he's going to say to the bachelorette party, and now for my next trick, watch me make my penis disappear.

24:01 Yeah, or pick a number between one and ten oh nine. Yes, bunk, yes, correctly. You're listening to the Treehouse. Visit us online that Treehouse on air dot com. Do you feel restless and anxious, feel like something's missing in your life? Maybe you just need a little more Treehouse in it. Go to patreon dot com slash Treehouse on Air and check out all the bonus features of subscription offers, including bonus shows, behind the scenes content, special subscriber only live shows, and so much more. That's patreon dot com slash Treehouse on Air. That's p A T R E O N dot com slash Treehouse on Air.

24:57 You're in the Treehouse. Give us online at us on air dot com. Boy, I didn't know you could drain these things. San Diego Padres picture Matt waldron is sidelined indefinitely after having a procedure to drain his hemorrhoids. What you just removed them? But you'd think I I have, I have. I have questions and concerns on many levels. Look, I realize that as a professional athlete, when you sign your contract, you're also agreeing to releasing certain medical information. Okay, that's just how it works injury reports and air competition, adding all that stuff. Couldn't you just said he twisted his ankle, something like who did this guy piss off in the organization for them to be like, oh, yeah, yeah, he's having his hemrhoids drained. Maybe it's the manager that he pissed off, because it's his manager that confirmed the hospitalization.

26:27 I mean, I've never had a hemorrhoid. I don't know, uh, but I do know this. My godfather, who is in the Chiefs Hall of Fame at one point was voted one of the top ten toughest men to play in the NFL, played with broken leg, broken arm, broken back. He always said, till the day he died, the most painful thing he ever did was play after having hemorrhoid surgery. Ugh, oh, man, I can't imagine that. I really can't. Like I'm thinking back to my very limited high school football playing days just after a hemorrhoid surgery. Just existing would hurt. Sitting will hurt, Walking will hurt. I can't even fathom running, let alone running and running into other people with you know, serious violence. Oh do you know.

27:33 The little the little trot that Ogre does when he's leaving the field on Revenge of the Nerds. After then they have the liquid heat and the job. That's kind of Cheryl would demonstrate how he would prance off to the sideline because all he wanted to do was go sit on the donut, you know those foam donuts they would give you after hemorhoid surgery, and that it looked very. Much like that. Oh man, I don't know there's enough preparation h on the planet to make that feel better. I mean, kudos to him for taking care of it, right. This was a baseball player. Yeah, I believe he still is. I don't think. I don't think it's retired him, but I mean, you gotta take care of him. You don't want to slide into home plate leaf skin marks. That's that's very important, that's very true.

28:16 The plate is white, Yeah, the dirt may be brown, but the plate is white. Wow. Okay, maybe I don't I understand what a hemorrhoid is. I thought it was like a grow. I didn't know you drained them. I didn't either either. No, I mean I honestly I didn't even necessarily know. I guess I've never thought about it about like, oh, can you do. Surgery on a hemorrhoid? I guess you could. You can do surgery on anything. But as far as my knowledge of hemorrhoids, it's just a protrusion of you know, the little tissue just inside your your bung hole right as you both go to start looking stuff up and look, I grew I almost said, I almost said, look, I grew up with hemorrhoids, not on me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's a sad thing if it happens.

29:10 I think I've probably had some as an adult, never had him as a kid. What I mean by I grew up with hemorrhoids is my dad. I think it was my dad that had them, because I remember in our refrigerator at all times there was always a tube of preparation h in there. And this was the eighties, this was long before anyone knew that you if you put preparation H like under your eyes, it can actually reduce the swelling and the bags under your eyes. People use preparation H now for cosmetic reasons, not just for hemorrhoids. But I remember opening up that refrigerator. There was always in that little window where you're supposed to put the butter in the door, you know, there was always a little tube of preparation H in there, And I just thought it was a guy thing. Now that I'm thinking about, it's like, I guess it could have been my mom.

29:54 I don't know. I've never asked her my dad. As heck of a reason for you to pick up the phone and call mom. It really would be Number one, she would love to hear from me. Number Two, I don't think she would want me to say, so the reason I'm calling today is did you have hemorrhoids a lot in the eighties. I'm pretty sure at that point she'll immediately blame my dad, like she does with everything. Rightfully, so women should never give away their secrets. So anyway, Yeah, I grew up with preparation H tubes of my refrigerator, so I was aware of hemorrhoids as a kid. But to be honest with you, I didn't really know what they were. And then at some point I guess there was some sort of awareness that it was something with you butt.

30:45 I don't know. I didn't really know. It didn't really affect me, so I it was just there in the fridge, and I knew not to eat it. I got most of my hemorrhoid knowledge from our former coworker. The one in all right, this is where the show gets weird. Are you talking about the dead one or the one that's in federal prison? Oh? The dead one, Okay, just checking because the one that's in federal prison probably has his own newfound knowledge of hemorrhoids. Teach you to touch kids.

31:30 I mean, if if I'm being Trey's gickling that makes me giggle. That's kind of It's kind of fitting. We started the show with prison sex. Maybe we can into it with prison sex. Uh Okay, So when you guys just now, uh, did you search on hemorrhoids and surgery? Did you find anything, Jerry? Would you find? Uh? Well? A hembrooid is basically a blood claw that forms in a swollen vein, which causes it to like really expand out like a little bubble. And apparently now instead of just having them removed if they're not serious, a way that you can mitigate how bad they are is to have them drained professionally. Obviously, as you apply your ointments and you do the things necessary for them to go away.

32:29 So it just makes them a little more comfortable to deal with them while you write it out, so to speak. Got it? You know? You do bring up a solid point. If you are going to have any medical procedure done, especially hemorrhoid draining, make sure you're going to a professional, because I don't think you want to go into someone's garage who claims to be an amateur hemorrhoid drainage expert. I don't think that's going to end well for you. I don't think it's going. To be Are you talking from experience? I don't need to experience that to know you shouldn't do it. I'm just I'm making a blanket statement across the board on the whole. If you need to have a hemorrhoid drained, don't have it done by an amateur.

33:16 Make sure it's done by an actual professional. Make sure they at least have a business card, at. Least a business card, Give me a website, at least at least a linked at least a link tree website, just something something to lend a little bit of credibility. Yeah, I don't think that's going to be on the standard esthetician menu. Yeah. I don't think you should go to some guy's house who's wearing a shirt. If you got him, I'll pop them and trust him to do it properly. Throwing a free bleaching. I don't think you should do those things at the same time.

33:59 I don't think that's a two for one. You should be. Doing like Rudge, get a little miradic acid in there. I just. I now thank you Jerry for the. The class on hemorrhoids or the information on the hemorrhoids. It's important to note, though, that if you snoop in somebody's house and you find preparation age, it may not be because they have hemorrhids. It may actually be for cosmetic reasons.

34:45 Dearly noted. I'm gonna have to go buy some right now. Is that? Is that why it's in your fridge? Yes, it's not due to any other reason. For all things treehouse, treehouse on air dot com. And if you would be so kind, if you would like to get more Treehouse in your life, then share the show with a friend today. Hit that share button from your favorite listening platform, send it to friends, family, co workers, everybody you know, and together we can grow the Treehouse Show. We'll see you next time, right here inside the Treehouse