WEBVTT
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Want more Treehouse, check out our YouTube exclusive shows at
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YouTube dot com. Slash at Treehouse on air.
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It is time to leave your worries outside and laugh
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with us inside the Treehouse. I'm Daniel Malley along with
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Trey Trenholm at Raj Sharma and Jerry called Well. Coming
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up today we will check in with Raj and his neuvage.
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I'm also going to tell you about the Christmas log
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and today we are going to start with an Amazon
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driver stole a lady's cat. It's not a euphemism or anything.
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I can actually stole a cat off the front porch.
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A woman in California claims an Amazon delivery driver dropped
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off a package last week and then stole her cat.
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She saw it happen on footage from her ring camera,
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and in the video you could actually see the driver
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leave the package on the front porch, take a photo
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to confirm delivery, and then approach a cat standing near by.
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At first, it looks like just petting the cat, but
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after a few seconds, the person grabs a cat by
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the scruff of its neck and carries it back to
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the vehicle as the cat is squirming around.
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Amy Alley.
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Some people are trying to say that it's possible the
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driver thought it was astray and was trying to help it.
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But the woman points out that they're not handling the
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cat very nicely, and the cat was on the edge
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of her front porch on a suburban street, so it's
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strange someone would just assume it did not have a home.
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The woman pay attention to this here. This is my
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favorite part of this story. The woman complained to Amazon
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and they said they're investigating, and they said they do
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know who the driver is, they just haven't contacted them
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and it's been almost a week. She also reported it
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also reported it to the police, and the police told
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her it could be weeks or months before they have
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time to look into it. So she's taken to social
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media to vent and complain, to which I say, you
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want to see me go full taken. You want to
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see me go full Liam Neeson from taking you take
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one of my pets? Mm hmmm, I don't look. I'll
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give Amazon a moment to hunt you down. I'll give
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the police a moment to hunt you down. But as
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soon as you tell me who it is and you
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don't go get them and you don't turn them over,
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to the police. You don't turn them over to me,
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I will burn Amazon to the ground. I will find
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Bezos's yacht. I know where it is. I got the
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app and I will burn that mother to the ground
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as well. Masked by gargantuan mast.
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But it's a cat, say it, say it's a cat.
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Yeah, you know what, if the two are you were
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hanging on a cliff, I'm gonna try for the cat first.
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No, you wouldn't. Just I would know you wouldn't. I absolutely,
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I know, I know your heart. No, you wouldn't. You
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would try for both of us at the same time,
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and you'd fall.
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You'd fall the fuck over. Okay, you know what you
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actually got me there. I would dry for both of you.
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I would try for both of you so that way
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I could sleep at night. But I know I'm only
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going to get one of you, and it's probably gonna
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be the cat, because a cat is much smaller than
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you are.
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I mean, they're everywhere you can.
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Just doesn't matter if they're everywhere, it's mine. It is
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my cat. There are many cats in the world, but
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my cat is special.
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Okay. Let's let's utpose this, let's juxtapose this. Would that
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cat save your life. Absolutely not. So those cats don't
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care about you.
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I don't care about kitty cat quid pro quo cat's mine.
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I don't expect the cat to have the same ethics
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and morals and drive and vengeance streak in it that
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I have, honestly a wole that doesn't.
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I want to hear your I want to hear your
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message to Amazon, like on the phone, like the taken version.
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I don't know who you are. Oh, I have it ready,
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I have you have my cat. I will call Jeff Bezos,
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I will call Amazon. I will tell every level of
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customer service at Amazon and tell them you give me
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that driver, and I will tell them I don't know
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who you are. I don't know what you want. If
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you were looking for ransom, I can tell you. I
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don't have money. But what I do have are a
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very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over
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a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare
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or people like you. If you let my cat go now,
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that'll be the end of it. I will not look
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for you. I will not pursue you. But if you
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don't I will look for you. I will find you and.
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I will kill you and give you a litter box.
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Why would they litter?
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But I mean it's I can't. I would love to
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hear I would love to see Jeff Bezos's face when
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he hears this message, so I can watch him laugh
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so heart he shits his pants.
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Fine cat people, Yeah, go ahead, miss him off. I
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like this lady is showing way more restraint, obviously than
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I would. This lady is showing way more restraint than
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I know Trey would. Oh, Roger, you're trying to tell
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me that that your little puppy, your your little puppy, Grace.
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If an Amazon driver walked off with that puppy, you'd
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be cool with it. You're like, it's a dog gets
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a rescue. There's plenty of the dog dog different than cat. Buddy.
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No, no, no, don't, don't, don't do it. She wakes
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me up every morning with a hug and like legitimately
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like what's her paws up here? And hugs me. I've
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seen cats walk away like thanks for the food, bitch,
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and just walk off, and I'm like, oh, I don't
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like you.
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I'm a man of principle, and I know Trey feels
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the same way, which is. It's not just a cat,
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it's my cat.
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It's my pussy.
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Don't touch it, thank you tre God.
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Can we please clip that? Already doing it in my mind,
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just to hear the straightest man in the world go
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my pussy.
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That's exactly what it is. No, it's mine, not yours.
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The cat is a cat, and it is representative of something.
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I'm just okay. You guys are cat people. I am.
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I am the furthest from that.
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I don't care like I mean, I have the most
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indifferent cat in the world. But if he touched him,
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I'd kill you, and I would respect if someone had
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a like.
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I think he's n If I touched him, he would
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kill me.
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I don't care if people like you not to touch him.
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I think birdiles are horrible pets, but I would. I'd
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certainly understand if someone took so, you know, he stole
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someone's pet.
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I don't care what it is. They want your soul and.
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That is their baby. Absolutely Okay.
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Again, they're saying like he thought it meant might be
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astray and cat's kind of just roam wherever. So what
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if he legitimately thought like this cat could be abandoned.
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Well, That's a big assumption to make when, as in
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the lady said in her social media post, it's a
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suburban area, it was on her porch. It's a big
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assumption to make. And I would imagine Bezos would actually
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be a little annoyed that one of the drivers is
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taking time out of their deliveries to pick up a
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stray cat and then not doing anything with it. Because
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if this guy really thought it was a stray maybe
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took it to a shelter or something, then I would
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imagine the shelter would be like, oh, hey, this guy
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dropped this off, or the driver would pop up and go, oh,
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I thought it was astray, I left it here, or
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I did this one. Sure, I don't hear anything from
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the driver, which leads me to believe he stole it.
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Well, they haven't caught the driver, they haven't contacted the driver.
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Maybe he did drop it off at a shot why not?
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Why not? You know who he is.
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Yeah, but it's also a pr nightmare. If he did
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something unto arts with that cat, you would think Amazon
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would want to get to the bottom of it quick right.
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And here's the other thing, roj Even even if let's
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just say, uh, Trey and I will take our Liam
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Neeson hats off for a moment and then we'll put
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them back on, because who we are. Even if it
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was just a cat, that is still this woman's property,
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per the law. And an Amazon driver stole something from
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somebody's property, stole property from somebody's property, which is a crime.
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And.
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In the state of Texas, a shootable offense. You bet
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your ass, God damn right, if you get shot for
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a cat, you deserve it.
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Well, it's real simple. You put that pussy down, I
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will come out the front door, locked it low. You
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put that thing down. That technically makes that delivery driver
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a porch pirate.
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For taking a cat.
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Yes, it's property raj at nothing if nothing else. If
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you don't want to assign any love or affection to
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the pet, that the cat is at the very least
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from a legal standpoint, that cat is my property. And
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if you take it from my porch, Jerry's right, that
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makes you a porch pirate and your ass is in
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my front yard also known as international waters. And you're
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a dead man.
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But you're assuming, you're assuming malice, you're assuming he's doing
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something untoward, is what.
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Well, that's why you come out the front door, and
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that's why you come out the front door and you say,
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put the kiddy down.
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What if he was just trying to be What if
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he was just concerned, like, hey, I'm just dropping this
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package off. I don't know what this cat is doing here. Well,
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then he will have on the porch, he will have
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my bad I was trying to help them.
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In which case put the cat down.
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California. Maybe the weather wasn't good, Like, hey, this cat's outside,
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I don't know what's going on. I don't know if
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this is owned by this There's no tag, there's no collar,
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there's no let.
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Me let me, let me put one thing out about this,
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Ed Roger, I understand where you're going with this, but
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there there's one thing is that feral cats typically are
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not going to come up to people and let you
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pet them and or much less catch them.
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That's it. That is a domesticated Yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, I got you on that one.
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But ultimately, this is why I like to think of
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myself as a responsible uh gun owner, which is I
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will come outside and I will give you the opportunity
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to put my cat down gently. I will give you
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a moment. Oh I place it down, not not put
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it down exactly. That's yeah, and that's why. And then
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I will give you a moment too, you know, because
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I'll take your case. If you think you're rescuing this
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kiddy cat, I'll give you. I'll give you a couple
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of buments to put it down and get back in
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your truck and and you know, leave the premises. But
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if you don't, then we're gonna have a serious issue.
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I mean, I yues attached to it in some way.
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Again, the cat is representative. I mean, I don't think
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I would respond in the same way over a garden gnome.
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But I am gonna come out hot if you take
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anything off my property because that's not yours.
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Yeah, I still don't see the difference between a cat
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and a garden note that they have the same function.
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It's mine, not yours.
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Let's wait to hear what this guy has.
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People running off with your stuff.
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Nobody's ever run off with my stuff. And again, when
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you guys talk about like the guns and stuff that
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you're gonna come, I always look at you guys, I'm like,
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you're not Jason Bourne. Nobody's coming after you.
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Taking my cat. Find out exactly that's what everyone says.
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That's that's it. That's the that's the mentality of the
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criminal going into someone's property, going like, who do these
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people think they are? Jason Bourne. No, I'm just someone
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that is really, really really protective of my shit. Don't
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you dare run off with it? That's it. That's the
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simple part.
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What if the cat wanted to go? What if it
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was like, hey, Amazon guy.
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Well, then the cat would win into the truck on
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its own and wouldn't need the delivery driver's help.
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If the cat would have been hitchhiking and I already
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had a sign, you know, please pick me up.
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Right, and or if the cat wanted to go, it
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wouldn't have waited for the Amazon driver. It just would