WEBVTT
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It is time to leave your worries outside and laugh
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with us inside the treehouse. I'm Dan O'Malley along with
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Trade Trenholm and Jerry called well, our buddy Raj is traveling.
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We'll be back in the tree house hopefully tomorrow, but
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for today, it is Wednesday, October thirtieth, twenty twenty four.
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Welcome to hump Day, boys. I've decided to start us
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off today. It's something that I didn't realize was real
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until recently. And I'm sorry to be the bearer of
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bad news, but hot pocket assault is real. It's it's
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a sad day in this country when you have to
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realize certain truths, and the fact that hot pocket assault
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is real is truly troubling and falls into the terrifying
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theme of Halloween this week. Trey, you look so confused,
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I mean also literally person like that. You look a
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little bit like my great grandmother glick.
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Go ahead, Are are we literally talking about you know,
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the tasty pizza like you know snack that you microwave?
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Yep, Okay, that's the one and only hot pocket.
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I'm kind of not surprised that they weaponized it. It's
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like molten hot lava inside of that thing.
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I want you to hold onto that thought. Jerry Okay,
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hold on to that thought in Massachusetts. In New England,
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police are seeking a suspect accused of hot pocket assault.
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It occurred on October nineteenth. Authorities are seeking the public's
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help identifying a suspect wanted for throwing a hot pocket
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at a Dorchester, Massachusetts store clerk. Boston Police say officers
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responding to an assault and battery call around seven point
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fifteen in the morning were told by the nine to
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one to one collar that a suspect tried stabbing his employee.
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According to the police report, the suspect entered the store
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and grabbed a hot pocket from the fridge before asking
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the cashier for a toback product. When the cashier asked
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for an ID for the tobacco product, the suspect reportedly
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became irate and through the hot pocket at the employee unbelievable.
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After the suspect through the microwaveable food, another customer intervened
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in a physical altercation ensued. During the fight, police say
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the suspect pulled a pocket knife on the customer. The
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customer was able to get the suspect out of the
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store and locked the door. If you'd like to help
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police in finding this suspect, this hot pocket assaulter, He's
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described as a twenty five year old, five foot one
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black man wearing a black hooted sweatshirt, black sweatpants, and
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black sneakers, angrily pacing outside before fleeing down the street.
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So if you see a five foot one, twenty five
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year old black man wearing black head to toe and
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angrily pacing, this might be your suspect.
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Is it a new Kevin Hart movie?
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I watched Kevin Hart movie titled Hot Pockets.
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I mean, but it doesn't say did he did he
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actually microwave the hot pocket?
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First, I don't believe he did. I believe he used
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the hot pocket as a bludgeoning instrument while keeping it cold.
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And Jerry, you brought up one of the most dangerous
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aspects of the hot pocket is when you microwave it
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and the insides are molten lava, kind of like the
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Totino's Pizza role on steroids.
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Right, Yes, yes.
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And since the suspect had a knife, which is a
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little more planning, this could have been easily elevated from
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a misdemeanor to a felony. I'm going to tell you
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how the suspect should have then gone to the microwave,
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set it on seven minutes, and then remove with a
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mit remove the hot pocket from the from the microwave,
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set it on the counter, and then take his knife
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and stab it on the ind and pointing towards the clerk,
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and then with a fist you slam on the closed
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side of the hot pocket does dowsing the sus dousing
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the clerk with molten hot pocket fluid. That's how you
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go from you know, misdemeanor hot pocket assault to filonious
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hot pocket assault. At least that's my thinking of it.
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I don't really know the actual awt. Also, don't listen
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to me. By the way, this story about hot pocket
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assault really got me thinking what gas station food would
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be the most embarrassing to tell people you were assaulted with.
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Because a cold hot pocket is one I'd be a
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little embarrassed about telling people. If it was a hot
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hot pocket, like you said, Jerry, that's one that could
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be truly dangerous, So not a whole lot of embarrassment there.
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But yeah, what are some gas station foods that you
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would be embarrassed to tell people you were assaulted with
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perhaps a can of Vienna sausages from the eighties. Maybe
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you get strangled with an air freshener tree. Maybe you
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get a hot dog, yeah, like to shove it in
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your ear.
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He was beaten mercilessly with a wiener.
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Hitting the crotch with beaver nuggets. Maybe you get whipped.
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Maybe you got whipped with a slim gem death by funion. Although,
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now that I'm thinking about it, I'd really love to
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watch someone try to explain to the police that you
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were beaten with a watch you MC call it. I
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feel like that would be sort of like a who's
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on first type situation with the officers.
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You're listening to the Treehouse visitors online that Treehouse on
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All right, guys, did I ever tell you about the
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time that I almost got assaulted Not by someone with
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a watch you might call it, but the time I
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actually got assaulted by a watch you might call it.
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No.
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All right, I'm gonna take your your quizical head turns
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as a resounding no. So there was road trip in
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the eighties, and uh, we were getting snacks for the
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road trip right right before you leave town. And the
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only thing I remember about this particular road trip was
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how I almost choked on a what you might call
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it rice thingy, cause those little rice crispy thingy that
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are inside some candy bars, like a crunch bar, or
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in this case, that watch you mc call it if
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you ever had one of those get stuck in your throat,
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I have, Oh yes, that was. It seems like an
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innocuous thing, and it seems silly to say that it
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sort of traumatized me. But I have not had a
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watch of McCall it since I've been tempted. But I'm
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a little nervous about it because I'm afraid of that
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little crunchy rice thingy getting stuck right here. I still
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remember the exact spot. Look, it was right here, right here,
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right here in my throat. I know the exact spot
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where that little rice thing got stuck in my throat
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and was scratching me for hours. That's what I remember
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about that EF and road trip was the watch mccullett
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that assaulted me. All right, That's all I got, aren't
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you glad I told you about how watch mccullett assaulted me.
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That's where I got the idea that for that uh
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sort of the punchline, because I remember getting to my
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grandmother's house and be like, oh uh, I, what did
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I say? I choked on a watch mccull She's like, well,
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what was it? I said, I watched m College. Well,
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you have to tell me. It was really bad. It
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was like me and it was like a generational gap doing.
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You know, Abbott and Costello was very phthatic. Meanwhile, here
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inside the current version of the treehouse, not the idiocy
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that is my childhood. Are you four or against trunk
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or Treat? I have my suspicions on where you Trey,
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wi Leen and where you Jerry will fall on the
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controversy that is trunk or Treat. I didn't realize that
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trunk or treats were controversial, but after reading this article,
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I can kind of see why some people find it so.
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It is Halloween time if you're an American, and if
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you have or no children, you probably know that this
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means it's the season for trunk or treat celebrations. If
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you're unaware of the concept. Instead of going door to
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door for trick or treating, children and adults in costumes
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are brought to a parking lot at some large meeting place,
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maybe a mall, museum, or a government building, and there
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they receive their treats from stations set up in and
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around car trunks. Frequently elaborately decorated. If you're under the
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age of say, thirty five, the concept is probably nothing new.
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But if you're older, like all of us are, and
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especially if you don't have children, this might seem a
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little strange. It seems like every year on social media
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more people post annoyed reflections about trunk retreat and get
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horrified by what has happened to trick or treating. Some
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people don't like the idea that trick or treating door
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to door is becoming old hat in favor of the
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trunk or treat. And if there's one thing that those
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of us that are a part of Gen X love
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to point out, that is the shortcomings of all the
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kids behind us millennials and especially the Gen z ers,
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who don't know the absolute thrill and the danger of
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going door to door to neighborhood. You don't know, asking
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strangers for cant.
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I mean it was trick or treating just too hard.
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I mean they just had to walk too much. Well,
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I I mean if a house has there the front
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light on, you know they're open to trick or treating.
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If they have it off, don't bother them, right, But
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I mean I just why, like It's literally was was
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trick or treating too hard? Were were they burning too
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many calories walking? Like?
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So, I think all of those theories hold water. I
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remember last week we were talking about things that kids
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say to adults that make them feel old. One of
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the ones was a kid telling an adult they're old
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because when they were a kid they actually played outside. Wow,
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that's that's alarming.
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That hurts.
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Yeah, back to the article here, trunker treating is not
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something invented in the age of the next door app.
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It was already sufficiently widespread and venerable. In fact, The
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New York Times even ran a trend piece on it
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back in two thousand and six. Trunk or Treating, the
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Times wrote, solves the rural conundrument, which homes built a
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half mile apart make the simple act of ringing doorbells
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require some physical fortitude. Neighbors are strangers. These community events
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substitute family friendly entertainment for the unwanted risks of what
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lies behind each other. Well, they're basically saying it's the
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advantages of trunker treating versus tricker treating.
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Okay, if you live in a rural community and you
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don't have any houses around you, and Okay, that makes sense, yes,
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But in regular neighborhoods it just seems lazy.
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I think.
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I think a lot of it has to do with
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people that are just overly paranoid, people that are so
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worried about the safety of their children that they don't
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let them go door to door looking for candy. Because
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I mean, look, even when I grew up in the eighties,
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when we did trick or treating, we lived in the country,
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So we hopped in the uh we hopped in the
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station wagon, drove to the good part of town, to
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the good neighborhood in town, and that's where we did
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our trick or treating. Our parents were still there. It
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wasn't like they just sent us out into the great