WEBVTT
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Do you feel restless and anxious, feel like something's missing
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in your life? Maybe you just need a little more
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treehouse in it. Go to patreon dot com slash Treehouse
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on air and check out all the bonus features of
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subscription offers, including bonus shows, behind the scenes content, special
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subscriber only live shows, and so much more. That's patreon
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dot com slash Treehouse on Air. That's p A t
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R e o N dot com slash Treehouse on Air.
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It is time to leave your worries outside and laugh
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with us inside the treehouse. I'm Daniel Malley along with
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Trade Trendholm and Raj Sharma. Thank you for hanging out
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with us today. Everyone brace yourselves.
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Okay.
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An Ohio woman is wanted for allegedly cutting open her
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boyfriend's ball sack. Yeah, this story is gruesome enough on
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its own, but leave it to TMZ's writers to make
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this story even worse. The headline on TMZ Ohio woman
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nutsack attack, she came, she saw, she sliced. That's just
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the headline. Now for the body break in balls out.
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An Ohio woman is the target of a police WOA
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man hunt after a ballsy break in at her boyfriend's
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home where she sliced open his nutsack. According to police,
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authorities have issued an arrest warrant for accused scrutum slasher,
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Jannita Hoopings, after the forty five year old woman allegedly
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kicked in the front door of her boyfriend's Toledo home
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and barged inside to perform her amateur surgery on him
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with a sharp object. And get this, cop say, Hopings
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cut her boyfriends so badly? How bad was it that
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one of his nuts was fully exposed, requiring treatment at
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a local hospital. Yikes, with the exception of me throwing
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in the how bad was it? All of that was
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verbatim from TMZ dot com. How they haven't when a
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pulitzer yet is beyond me.
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I have two friends that work there. I know why
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they have it.
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Are they in line after Trump's Nobel Peace price?
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They're both standup comics, So that's where this is coming from.
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There you go back to the story. Hopings has been
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charged with felonious assault where the victim was seriously harmed
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and aggravated burglary. Good at least the burglary was also
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aggravated Worth noting a mugshot from a previous arrest is
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floating around. We've used it before, and we're told, and
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we're told Toledo police are currently still searching for her.
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The balls are in the cops court now because it's
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up to them to find this alleged testicle terror terror
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t E A R E R.
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I just still like the fact that they said it
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was so bad that one of his testicles was fully exposed,
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requiring medical attention.
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Yeah, I would hope. So you know what I think.
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I think he just rubbed some dirt on.
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It before or go the super glue route.
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Look, I'm not a religious man, but I'd start praying
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right then, hard, dear sweet baby Jesus. I'd even pray
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to Raj's God's I'd find I'd find the nearest rug
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and I'd start praying to the East.
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I'm not Muslim, but okay.
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I'm saying I'm hitting all their religions. Oh gotcha, I'm
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gonna I'm gonna get all two hundred and eighty seven.
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If you're Hindu gods, I'm gonna start with them because
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strengthen numbers. Then I'll uh, I mean, my first one's
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got to be you know, to Jesus, you know. Yeah,
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then then the two hundred and eighty seven of your gods,
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which by the way, Jesus is one of uh and
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then go to Allah. So I'll be praying on the
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rug for that pretty hard. And then while I'm doing that,
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I'll be growing out of fierce beard. Who else can
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I do? I'll ask for Satan self at that point too.
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I don't care. I'm gonna hit all of them.
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It could take you to scientology. Were screwed? Yeah, you
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know what?
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It might be the first time I opened the door
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for Jehovah's Witness. Please come on all out my ball out.
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I could really your timing couldn't be better. Please, I
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need your help. Please at least tell me you've got
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What are your pamphlets?
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That's the only time with Jehovah's Witness won't come in. No,
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what's the Watchtower say about this?
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Yeah? What page is that on? I don't have time
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for the table of contents? What pages is the ballsack?
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Nightmare on? To help me? I swear to God, I
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won't celebrate any more birthdays if you fix this.
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I just wanted to talk to you about the Lord.
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But you're clearly bleeding out. So we're gonna go ahead
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and got.
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Don't you go this is the perfect time.
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Well, now, what you wouldn't want is a Mormon coming
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to your door because they'd be on a bicycle and
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they have really no help to you.
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Oh yeah, that's true there at that point.
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Well yeah, I mean you'd have to watch you you're
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dangling down there with the spokes and chains and everything.
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You don't you don't want to handle ball ride to
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the emergency room now with a ball out exposed nuts.
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You don't want bunny pegs, those Mormon dicks, they're like
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your atheist balls.
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I'm serious, though. Man, if you slice open, you slice
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open a man's nutsack, he will and I will do
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everything and ask everyone I can for help. I am.
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I am open to all comers. That's a poorly chosen word,
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but I would. I might even be open to that.
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I'm surprised she got away, like if that was like
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how he didn't just immediately respond?
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Well, I think he did. And that's the problem. When
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you get your nutsacks sliced open so bad a testicle's
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popping out going, I don't think you even have your
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wits about you to call nine one one. I think
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people just hear the sounds of your screaming and the
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police just come. Wasn't even needed in this situation?
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Yeah, I guess not. That's wild. How sound of a
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sleeper was he? How god goddamn equal.
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I went to bed with a cold.
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You're sniffling, sneezing, achey head, cut your balls off medicine.
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He wakes up. It's like, what are the side effects
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of this stuff?
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Jesus, I slept like a baby, but my ball's hurt.
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Maybe if I drink more of this it'll help. That's
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what I'd be doing. I'd probably I'd I'd drink all
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the all this equal I could after seeing what's been
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done to me, I would drink everything I could get
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my hands on, and then hopefully, hope fully I live
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on the second or third or fiftieth floor, and then
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thrown myself out the window. Now, perhaps perhaps she was
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able to do this to him because maybe he thought
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this was something good that was about to happen, and
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she was waking him up and and that you know,
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it's your birthday kind of way, and instead, uh, something
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else happened.
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I've pissed off my fair share of women, and.
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Yes, yes you have.
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And uh, you know, I I feel like when you've
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gotten to the point where she's that mad, you would
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you would haven't you wouldnt know and know that you know, yeah, yeah,
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she shouldn't be coming in your place, and and you know,
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you know dead bolt the number one.
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Yeah, you're right because this type of woman that you
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have scorned so badly that one chain lock is not
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going to keep her out. She will laugh in the
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face of your teensy tiny chain lock.
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Now that's where you call the locksmith. You get things
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free keyed.
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You uh, fake your own death.
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Uh waitness to be terough, Yeah, but still change the locks,
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let her think you might still be there, and then leave.
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That's actually brilliant.
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Yeah a motel. Uh yeah, yeah, that's Uh. It just
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seems like a lot of poor decisions.
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Were made leading up to this, and uh, he should
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have known that he made her that mad.
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I do find an interesting tray that you're victim blaming
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a little bit here, a fellow man.
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You know, if you're gonna if you date crazy, then
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you have to take some accountability and know when you
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have pushed them to that point where they want to
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cut your balls off, and if so, you need to
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take preventive measures so your balls stay intact.
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Weren't they that crazy the whole time? They're just pretending
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to not be crazy. So I don't think you have
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to push them to any.
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No, because I mean you have to take some responsibility.
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Like I will admit I have an attraction to crazy,
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but then I am the secret sauce that makes them crazier.
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I unlock their full potential. I'm the Tony Robinson crazy.
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Yeah.
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When chicks doo fire walks around Trey ball sas just
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bors get kicked in. Yeah, No, they're not walking on coles.
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They're literally walking on fire and levitating. Yeah. Yeah, at
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Tray's events, there's no coal walking, it's just coal levitating
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over them. I will say, though, if they ever find
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this woman and then if she's ever let out a prison,
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she will have a beautiful career in the WWE as
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the nutsack nightmare. Yes, I would watch imagine that cage
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match like serious saying she's not wrestling the chicks.
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Well, she's not wrestling dudes because nobody's getting in the
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ring with that.
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Well, McMahon's are not going to give them an option
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they're just gonna throw them in. They're gonna throw them
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in the cage and throw away at the key and
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just see what happens.
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I mean, I don't know.
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I mean, like even the undertakers, like.
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She might really enjoy women's prison because I think she
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she would be popular.
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I mean she would.
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Immediately, Yeah, she would rule, move up in status. Oh yeah,
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she won't even eat the thermos. This is.
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Listen to every episode.
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Kidsreuse visit us online at Treehouseonair dot com.
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Let's get Daniel Cook from COOKDFW Roofing and Restoration into
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the Treehouse now for your free roof inspection called eight
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three three Cook DFW the website cookdfw dot com. Daniel,
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I am in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. It's the peninsula to
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the east of Boston, and obviously things are a little
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bit different here compared to Texas and certainly compared to St.
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Thomas where I normally live. The architecture on the homes
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is different, the roofs are different, the siding is different.
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It's these wooden square type things on the sides of
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the houses, on the roofs as well. Do you know
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anything about this very popular roofing.
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Aerial called wood shake, and that was super abundant as
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far as the type of homes you know made at first,
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wood shake was a very common application. They literally by
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hand used to make those wood pieces and chop them
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up and then they would use tenpenny nails after they
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laid the down the base layer, they would lay those
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over the top and it would be very effective as
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far as roofing material, and so a lot of the
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up north i would say, Midwest even some areas very
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common and it's amazing how well it works. I think
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originally they used to lay like a barrier of like
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grass or some type of like a weather barrier below those,
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so that way it was almost acting like insulation. But
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it's a the engineering that these folks when these homes
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were built in the seventeen hundreds and eighteen hundreds and
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even now, I mean, it's a lot easier to do
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these roofs, and people do replace these roofs with the
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upgraded versions of wood shake, which is totally different now.
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I mean it's it's like an engineered material now, but
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it has the same looks, it's more statics.
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So not only for all your roofing and housing needs
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in North Texas. But if you just want some good
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old fashioned house knowledge at the drop of a tenpenny,
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you called Daniel Cook eight three to three cook DFW
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or the website cookdfw dot com. You're listening to the Treehouse,
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visit us online at Treehouse on air dot com. This
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segment of the Treehouse is brought to you by COOKDFW
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Roofing and Restoration to get your free roof inspection, also
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00:14:54.679 --> 00:14:56.360
for them to come around take a look around your
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00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:00.639
property to see any outstanding issues or potential albums, all
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for free. Eight three three cook d f W to
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get ahold of Daniel and Kerry Cook today eight three
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three cook d f W for that free roof inspection
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and property look around eight three three cook d f
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W or the website to see some of their fine
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out standing work Cook d f w dot com. According
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to social media, this man recently set the world record
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for the longest continuous fart.
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Yeah, I.
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Don't bullimngos.