April 13, 2026
YouTube Ep 19 | Dear Treehouse | AITH For Wanting My Mom To Die?
At a certain point in everyone's life, they will have to deal with aging parents. But what do you do when you just don't like a parent that much? Is it wrong?
Leave your worries outside and join Dan O'Malley, Trey Trenholm, and their hilarious guests for laughs about funny news and viral stories with ridiculous commentary inside the Treehouse Show.
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It is time to leave your worries outside and laugh
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with us inside the Treehouse. I'm Daniel Malley, along with
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Trey Trenholm and comedian Raj Sharma. Without further ado, I
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hand things over to you, Trey. Everything that happens from
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this point forward is your fault.
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Okay, I'm good with that. So welcome to Dear Treehouse,
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episode nineteen and today is Although I am sure we
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will find a punchline, gonna throw out a more serious topic.
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Oh am, I the asshole. Yes for wanting my mother
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to die.
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I want to stay with my original answer, but knowing
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you and the relationship you've had with your mother over
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the years, feel like I should change it.
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Well, all right, to let every everyone in on the
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backstory at this Yeah, So.
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For the uh oh, I think it's so much better
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without any context whatsoever.
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For the last ten days, my mother has been ill
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and and on Sunday we put her in hospice. At
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that point, she had not eaten, she had not refused
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any treatment, everything, and it seemed like her death was imminent.
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And at this point in her life, she's eighty years
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old on set dementia, has been in a wheelchair for
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nine years, has very little quality of life. And so
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I made the choice of with the doctor, consulting with
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the doctors, of all right, let's just let her go peacefully,
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keep her comfortable. Minute we get her in hospice, she
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like pops up like a just I don't know, like
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some cartoonish thing. And then you know, she's eating breakfast
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and talking and it's like she had done none of
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those things. Yeah, exactly, Hello, fine, just kidding. And uh,
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you know it's I think I may have said this
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to raje I. You know, it's this it's very weird
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thing where she's too weak to live, too strong to die.
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And but now it faced with the knowledge that this
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could go on for who knows how long, and it's exhausting,
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it's draining. And again she her life is now and
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will be for this point forward, confined to a bed.
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Okay.
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And but yet it is a very very interesting position
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you you put yourself in, and and and it stirs
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up a lot of you know, thought of And now
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I'll say this, I have not made any decisions for
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my mom that I would not make for myself.
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Got it, Yeah, I mean, it's not like you're hovering
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over her deathbed and just waiting for the medical staff
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to leave the room, and ah, do it yourself.
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And I think what makes it, what makes it more
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conflicting is and I don't know. I'm not the only person.
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I just don't like my mother that much.
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I would like to point out that that's okay. I
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have long been a believer that it's it. Just because
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their family doesn't mean you are required to love them
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or care for them or take care of them. There
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is just because your family. I don't understand that level
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of entitlement. It's like, well, we're family, you have to
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do this. If I don't have to do a guy thing.
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I am a person who makes my own choices, my
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own decisions, and I don't have to subscribe to other
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people's belief system. And that to me is blanket in
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just about every situation possible, whether it's religion, politics, sex, taxes, whatever.
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Just because you believe something doesn't mean I have to.
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And just because we share the same last name or
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come from the same gene pool, that doesn't mean you
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owe me anything, and that doesn't mean I owe you anything.
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I am a meritocracy. If you want my love and respect,
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you're going to have to do something to get it.
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And I'm not saying that it's a you know, impress
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me or make me feel loved and then I'll love you.
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It's just a I'm not just giving it out like
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there has to be a two way street kind of
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a thing. And that's my approach to it. And I
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know that most people don't feel that way because everyone
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loved to tattoo themselves with bloodsticker than water, and families
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the most important thing, and blah blah blah blah.
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Well, Dan, that's also your programming. You know, your benevolent creators,
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we know program view with this ability to turn off
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your emotions. For the rest of us, we do feel
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some kind of societal norm that we're supposed to take
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care of our parents. I don't like the I you know,
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if I could go back and of the myriad of
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things I would do over again in my life, number
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one would be not drink. Number two would be I
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would just have eighty six my mother out of my
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life in my early twenties. But I didn't, And now
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I find myself in this deal. And I'm an only child.
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She's an only child, and I I guess one of
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the other profound things is I've and it more really
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comes from animals. I hate the thought of people or
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anything dying alone.
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Mm hmm. And that says a lot about you as
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as a person. I'm not saying, by the way, that
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you shouldn't do that. I think it's a very bold
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and it's very big of you to care for her
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in such a way that she never really cared for you.
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It shows how good of a human you are. And ironically,
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she did at least a little something right. She may
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not have done all of it because a lot of
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it's you, but there's a little bit of her in
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there somewhere, so at the end, you know you're making
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it as good as humanly possible without whacking her on
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the head.
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And the little bit of her is the part of
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me that's going on. All right, let's get the kitten.
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You're not doing anything here, Time to move on.
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I was going to assume that the little part of
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her that's in you is the part that's not whacking
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her over the head.
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No, uhuh if I here's the one thing I will
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tell you about. And I've also I have been basically
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financially supporting my mother since a cup for a couple
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of months she ended up losing all her money. And uh,
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but especially when you factor when you factor that into it,
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and my mother, who's almighty God about any in all things,
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was the dollar if you put a financial a number
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on it, she would whack me over the head. If
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things where, you know, if our positions were switched, she's like,
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you know what, or.
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Just walking or you can just walk into a room
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and be like, I'll give you a hundred dollars to
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go now.
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Ooh, that's a good idea.
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If I still thought she understood what one hundred dollars was,
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maybe some days she might. You know, she's been talking
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to me about you know, did I did I talk
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to her mother? Her mother's been dead for twenty nine years.
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Yeah.
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So on the medical side of it, there is so
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my ex girlfriend we lost her mom to dementia as well,
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and there is a thing where she had stopped eating.
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We got her into the nursing home, and they pop
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up for just a bit because it's a fear of
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even though they're not in the right state of mind,
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it is still they're aware of kind of what's going
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on because they see people they know they're not in
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their home. They know they're not you know, they can
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see doctors come in and talk to them, so they
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do pop up for a bit. But then the food
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will like she liked coffee and cookies, and she liked
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to eat, and then it just turned from eating dinner
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to coffee and cookies, and then it just went to coffee,
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and then it went to nothing. And then it was
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about three to four days after the nothing that she
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was gone.
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And so then that's interesting. And you say that because
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her deal has been Coca Cola, Like, okay, she ate
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some breakfast. You I mean, she's been sucking down at
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least she was about three or four colks a day.
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Now it's carton Wayne down. And like I said, she's
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not long for this world. But it does I have.
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I have very much wrangled with am I being you know,
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am I a horrible person? Because at a certain point,
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and it's a whipping I go to the hospital twice
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a day, I you know, spend time with her now
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and this is a very nice hospital facility and that
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they the people there, God bless hospice people. They just
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they are angels for what they do. But you know,
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it's you're at a certain point and there's time, just like,
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come on, lady, so't she curious what's out there?
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Let's take a let's take a let's take a page
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out of Raj's book here, So grab you one hundred
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dollars bill, and then what I want you to do
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is to hold it up over her and then turn
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off all the lights in the room. Hold that hundred
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dollar bill over her face, and get a flashlight and
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shine it behind the dollar bill, and then just see
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if she takes the hint to go towards the light.
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Slash one hundred dollar bill. Everybody wins. She thinks she's
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getting one hundred dollars, and then you get to move
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on with your life after she is.
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Passed, or she stays alive and gets one hundred dollars
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in a mag light.
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You know what it's I think it might be worth
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the risk for Trey.
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I mean, at this point, she might realize it's one
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hundred dollars. She might think it's a buick. I don't know.
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Well, if she takes it and then you come back
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to the hospital later in the day for your second
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visit and she's driving it around the room, it just
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is what it is.
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I wouldn't come back if she's driving it around the room,
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if she's.
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Out of bed.
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Yeah. At that point, I'm like, all right, you know
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what state of Texas?
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Here you go, Come in, Drey, I'm driving this money
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beat beep. You need to ride to school.
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R Kelly's remix to Ignition is playing as.
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This is. And this is a horrible thing that happens
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with people in our demographic, you know, with gen X.
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You know it's late millennial or I guess early millennials,
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whatever it is. And some have had to encounter this
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before others for various reasons. But that is the passing
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of a parent, especially if it's a situation where you're
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all they've got, which is the situation you're in, Trey.
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I mean, your dad passed away years ago, Raj. Both
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of your parents are gone. My dad passed away a
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few years ago. And in those situations, they had people
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caring for them, right, my dad did, Raj. I think
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both your parents had people caring for them. It didn't
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all fall on you, and Trey, I don't think everything
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with your dad's illness fell on you, because he also
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had his wife, your stepmom, Jackie. Not to say you
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weren't involved or anything, but it just wasn't all on you.
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Does that make sense? This situation is different because it
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absolutely is all on you. She's the type of woman
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well ends up absolutely alone and you're all she's got.
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It's a testament to who my mother has been and
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how she lived her life that I am the only
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person around. She has run off every friend, every acquaintance.
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She's toxic and people get tired of dealing with her shit.
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And so, yeah, that is And there are times that
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a part of me are like, you know what, that
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bitch deserves to die alone. But then I feel this
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guilt of and whether it's a societal norm or whatever
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that you know, or just the fact and this if
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you want to talk about really questioning who you are
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as a person. And ever since I got sober, I
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try very hard to be a better person. But the
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fact of the matter is, Daisy, it was fifteen and
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a half years old. If I had to choose of
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who's my time and attention going to be to keep
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them alive, it goes with Daisy every day of the
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week and twice on Sunday.
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Yeah, and.
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I am sure that somewhere that that's means my priorities
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are are all fucked up, but it just is what
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it is now.
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Yet you know why I say no, not because I
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agree with you, although I do. It's because they are
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your priorities. Someone else can take their standards, their expectations,
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their priorities and apply them to you all they want,
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but that doesn't fucking matter. All that matters is what
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you do, what you want to do, what you hold important,
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and you need. Any opinion from anybody else just doesn't
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matter because they're not the ones in this situation you are.
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It's very, very simple for someone on the outside to say, Trey,
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you should be doing this. Well, listen here, stranger, you
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