Dear Treehouse #20 | Relationship Confessions, Toxic Kids & Brutally Honest Advice 😂

0:00 Oh that's right. It is time to leave your worries outside and laugh with us inside the Treehouse. I'm Daniel Malley along with Trey Trendholm and Raj Sharma. Trey, what do we have in store for Deer Tree House today, Well. We're gonna start off with something that just makes you shake your head and go why. You're gonna need to narrow that down? Yeah? I feel like that's every time I open my phone or watch. My husband confessed to me. Husband twenty nine confessed to me last night that at a friend's Bucks Night bachelor party, two weeks before our wedding last year, his friend paid for a private lap dance. He was drunk and coked up, and during the lap dance, as a consequence, made out with the stripper. He promised, that's all it was. I was so scared before he confessed that he's slept with someone cheats on me. When he broke the news, cheated on me. When he broke the news, I wasn't even phased that much. He was distraught, you know, telling me this.

1:11 He was almost hyperventilating in fear that I would leave him. I was consoling him as he was a mess. I felt so bad for how bad he was feeling. He told me I don't need to console him, and he was apologetic and remorseful, but I was very forgiving in the moment she messed up. Today, I am mad at the thought of kissing, of him kissing another woman when he knows how I feel about strippers, nothing against them. I just don't want my husband being around him. I feel silly going back on my forgiveness. Is that wrong? I am actually hurt and so disappointed. It's got to be so confusing to be a feminist but also jealous like that, Just that conflicting world happened right there, because on one hand, you want to support your fellow woman on going to get you know, being empowered and doing your thing girl, But at the same time, don't make out with my husband, all right, so let me make sure he got this straight. Bachelor party, the now husband. On the bachelor party night, his best man buys my lap dance and he he tongue down a stripper.

2:20 Mm hmm. The now husband, he confesses, and the year this. Is like a year later. Why why why why why why? Why? Time? It takes It's hey, it takes time to you know, what build up the courage to confess. No, no, but sometimes it makes a year that window closed a long time ago. There there are windows for certain things in relationships, I feel, and this is one that was closed a long time ago and never should have been opened again. I don't know why he would confess a year later.

3:03 I had an ex girlfriend by me a lap dance at the clubhouse one night, and she was over the moon about it. At the time, or you were, she was your current at the time. She was my current at the time. Yeah, and she's the one that bought the lap dance and she's like, go for it. Well, I think there's something. If they're there, it's one thing. If if it's uh, they're. Always here, they're always here in my heart, they're here, and they're here and here. You just don't want always here or there there. That's why I rule she I mean she was.

3:48 She was like, if you want to have a threesome, we just have to find the right person. Like that was the thing. Like I was like, Okay, that's not my thing. Uh, but uh, good to know, I guess. So maybe he thought she was on the same page as he was with the best man. I'm going to say no, because from what Trey said in the description, he was so distraught and fearful about coming clean and confessing to her. He was expecting her to you know, to dump him, to divorce him, and instead he's going the route that she feels bad for him about how bad he feels. So she consoles him, which that's not fair because to me, all all she was doing at that moment was laying She's laying groundwork for him to do worse things. He's like, you know, all you did was kiss her. That's fine. I thought it was gonna be way worse. And now he's like, well, if I just baby step it eventually get to you.

4:52 Know, he was laying groundwork as well. But I mean I think, uh, he was the one who was upset. She is angry a year later, Well, she's anger that this was recently, but yeah, I mean after after she thought about it, she's now angry, big surprise. Uh huh. Yeah, But because in the in the moment, she hadn't processed at all. So let me make sure at the timeline correct. A year ago, he made out with the strip, got married, then now present day, he tells her, yes, got it, and then in the moment she consoled him. But now, after a little bit of time has passed after his confessional, she's now rightfully upset that he did something you shouldn't have.

5:43 Yeah, a big shocker. She's thought about it, and now she's really pissed. But you know what she should be. And maybe it's my I don't know, maybe maybe it's my flawed deal. But why now? Why? That's why did you decide you needed to confess this? What good? Listen? It's like in AA when you make amends, there's basically this caveat which says, if you're going to do if your a mind is going to do more harm than good, keep it to yourself. Yes, what good did you think was gonna come out of this? How?

6:25 What? Hey? You know, maybe he was just trying to be an honest guy and be like, listen, this is what. This has been on my mind for a while a year. No, no to me. No, That's that's why I'm saying, in relationship, you have a window. You have a window in which you need to confess this thing. I'm wondering what else was going on recently that he all of a sudden felt the need to confess this thing that happened a year ago. Also, let's move the stripper aside. The cocaine wasn't a problem. Clearly not the way this is written. That's just like, you know, you know, he's coked up. Yeah, it Saturday night. To me, that would be the ultimate excuse. That would be the reason that you made out with the stripper.

7:10 It's like, baby, I had no idea what I was doing. I was coked out of my mind, and that is the reason you did it. When you're coked out of your mind, do you know what you're doing? Well, yeah, here's the other thing I ever done it. So I don't know. I don't think the way this is written, I don't think this is If he blames it on the coke, I think he's gonna have a lot more explaining to do about a bunch of other nights. Yeah. Again, that's that's where it depends. First time whatever, if it was just booze, like, you can blame it on booze, Like, Hey, I was drunk, I didn't realize what was going on. I woke up the next day and I realized what happened. Blah blah blah. But when you're drunk and on cocaine. Start with those two. First, stripper third.

7:57 Okay, so with cocaine, there is no blackout. In fact, it's the opposite. It's everything is hyper aware and awake. Yes, got it. But I've got to assume. But yes, I've got to assume he has there was someone in the in the group of friends that knows what happened, told his significant other like they're breaking up or something, and he's worried he's about to get busted. Right. That's because otherwise there's no reason to ever bring it up ever again, let alone a year later. No, honestly, unless there's photographic or video evidence of the night in question.

8:39 I mean you're talking about a year later, deniability is high for him. I mean like, yeah, you saved that, You saved that for therapy. You don't tell the wife, that's silly. Yeah. Yeah, you want to work through some issues and you really feel guilty about it, go to therapy and talk to a therapist about why you did it. Uh, not necessarily, just because you just want to offload the burden onto someone else to see if she'll keep you around. Kind of a thing. But also, flip side, isn't that a decent dude, Like, he's like, hey man, this has been on my mind for a year. I am so sorry. I was on drugs and drunk and I did this.

9:20 If he truly feels sorry, then yeah, I'm fine with that. But you can't go the you know, the the boohoo, woe is me. I feel so badly blah blah blah. You just need to be kind of straight with and be like, all right, look, I feel terribly about this. I feel so bad about it. I'm now going to tell you what I did. I did this thing. I did X y Z and I've thought about long and hard about whether or not I should say anything. I decided to tell you because it's the right thing to do, and I want to and if he wants to be with her, he needs to say that. He's like, look, I want to be with you, and I want you to know so you can decide whether or not you you can get past this thing to stay with me.

10:02 That's really about the only way I think you can go about it. I still say you don't say anything, Well. I'm sure. I'm sure he was long and hard to. So if if you're really if it's if it's eating you up with that much guilt? Wouldn't it have been prudent to talk about this before the wedding? Yes, that's what. That's right. I go back to my window. You go back to the window. You know how expensive weddings are. I well know. I. But if you're trying to be a good guy and it's eating you up with guilt, don't you want to confess your sins before you say I do? You cut the cake fucking first. Like you're gonna be in trouble either way.

10:43 Yes, you cut the cake and then fucking hey, uh, I'm sorry about that. That's all is right? Before you do the little like smush the cake in each other's mouth kind of thing. As you're slicing it, you just whispered to her, I made not with the stripper. Shoot, And that's what you'll know if she's the one by whether or not she stabbed you with the with the cutlery because. You told her at the right time about you give her the power right then and there. Yeah, or maybe the option to stab me if you want. I made up with the stripper on my bachelor party. Or there's another. Because it says the wedding was in March, and you do the math, or something more than kissing happened and he's got to take a DNA test.

11:27 I don't know how it happened, Baby, everything was above the clothes. You said you wanted kids. Yeah, Baby, I got good news, bad news. You didn't say they had to be yours. I found us a surprise surrogate. I didn't cheat on you. I just I just did a surprise surrogate. Aren't you at Mercedes? Happy Valentine's Day? By the way, I've also gone ahead and and hired on a production crew to follow us around for the reality show we are now going to film. I'll see it in lifetime.

12:10 Oh god, Yeah, there are a lot of levels to this one. Dre that's a doozy. Oh man, why why? Why? Oh? I mean I hadn't Again. I had an ex that worked at Baby Dolls. She was the bartender there, and I would come in just to pick her up from work and sit down and grab a beer, and she would buy me lap dances. So it just depends on like, I didn't feel anything. I felt weird, but there was no guilt. Like this guy obviously had some sort of like moment where he was over a year, has been stewing on this. Yeah, I just I don't buy it. I don't buy it. I feel like something more happened. I think something else was coming, because if he's truly guilty, he would have said something a year prior. Waiting a year before he says something, something else was about to drop.

13:05 Interesting. I like the friend idea, like somebody else rotted him out that. I can see. Yeah, I mean it's got it. That's the only thing that makes sense. I don't know any other guy that'd be like after after a year later, all of like, do you do you really feel that badly about something you did a year ago? No? No, especially if you knew it was wrong. If you knew it was wrong, and a year later you still think about it, You're not thinking about how badly you feel about it. You're thinking a year later, Ah, got away with it. I'm in the clear. Uh that's a solid point. Yeah. If if nobody ratted me out in a year, I'm like, Okay, we're good. We don't have to do anything at all.

13:49 So for him to come clean, well, yeah, the other shoe was about to drop. Yeah, either eithers Either Mercedes Junior is about to drop. Uh Or, That's what I want to name my child. There's no other senior but Mercedes Jor is just his name. Yeah, Rajah, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm actually really really good with naming babies. Oh are you? Yeah? One of my favorites was Thud, Thud thud, because that's the noise he made when he fell out. It was a very special couple. And for those that have been listening to the Treehouse Show long enough, they will know who I'm talking about and appreciate baby Thud. So now I have a mount Rushmore's baby names. I have Thud and Mercedes Junior.

14:41 Nickname Sea Class. I like you gave him the smallest version. He's not even an E class, no. C class for a different reason because it's tre and she's driving it and he's under it. All right? Next up? Yes, Dan, I don't know if you you may not relate to this, I think, Raj, will I do because I don't know if you ever dated anyone with kids?

15:26 Yes? Sort of? Okay, so not serious? Not seriously? How about that? Am I the asshole for breaking up with my girlfriend when her kid called me names? And she didn't tell him to knock it off. No. My ex girlfriend, Heather and I are both teachers. She's forty eight and I'm forty eight. She's thirty four. Got together four years ago. Well, I've known her son since he was eleven. I have no biological children. Just getting the facts out of the way. I had a polite relationship with her son for the four years i've known him. Good kid, blah blah blah. His father is a waste of air. So Dan Junior as the kid, wasn't really a problem for most of our relationship. His dad was and is a jerk, but not more than not around more than most. Anyways. Then Heather and I started talking about getting married, and all of a sudden, he started mouthing off and misbehaving, saying stuff that I couldn't replace his dad. He was confrontational. I'm a teacher, so I've seen many kids go through this. I talked together about getting him some therapy and also suggested family therapy. She said she's seen students too, and she should know what he needs. Just after Christmas?

16:50 Can I interrupt real quick, just quick clarifying question, how old is the kid? The kid would now be fifteen. Okay, well, just after Christmas break he started calling me a pedophile. That's the kind of thing that could end my career. Talked to Heather about it, and she said he was just working through his emotions. I understood he was angry and confused, but some words could lead to severe consequences. She refused to see my position. I brought it up in counseling, and she still defended Dan Junior. The kid said it again in therapy, said I could have been her teacher, which she was in elementary school, which, while it was technically true, I never met her until she was thirty, so I can't take any chances. I broke up with her and moved out. She thinks I'm overreacting.

17:47 Nope. Her folks think we needed to slow down and give the kid a chance to catch up. I miss her, like I said, I can't have that word around me and she couldn't control her kid. Am I being an asshole? No? No, In fact, you're a freaking saint, because if I was you. No, I am not a pedophile. I am, however, a punch a Fhile the reason I asked how old the kid is is like, is he old? Enough to deck because that is and this is also a reason why I don't have children, because I'm like fifteen punchable. Absolutely, you know, he did the right thing. He did the mature thing, He did the very responsible professional thing by getting himself out of that situation and may and you know what, maybe might not be a bad idea to move fresh start, get out of that town. I don't know how big it is, but get out. Because he's right.

18:43 You can't have that P word following you around, period if you're a person, but especially if you are a teacher. I mean that's what I did. I'm my ex her daughter, same thing, not pedophile, but she's like, uh, I met her when she was eleven, and this was when she was sixteen or seventeen, and she said, I didn't like you from the moment I met you. And I was the daughter, Yes, okay, I didn't like you. With from the moment I met you, And I was like, that's kind of but I went to like, you know, if it's like, you know, dad daughter dance or whatever, I'm the step dad.

19:26 That's what she used to call her friends. So I Christmas presents and birthday presents and all that stuff. And this is what I said to her when she was sixteen seventeen. I said, but you took every gift I ever gave you. And she's like, yeah, I go. You know who does that? Strippers, that's who does that. They pretend to like men that they don't like and take gifts that are given to them. And as she said that, uh, I remember this vividly. Her mom was on the phone, My ex was on the phone, like just watching YouTube. She didn't correct the daughter like, hey man, he's done so much for you. Uh So I was like, I'm out of this immediately because there's no reason to this is not salvageable.

20:21 And heard to me it heard to me, it's a it's a red yeah. Or her dad deadbeat, like he lives at home with his father and plays roadblocks with her. So to me, it is a red flag. If like to me as an adult, as a parent, it's a red flag if you don't recognize that your children are fallible. If if you're of the mindset that your children are perfect little angels and can do no wrong, then you should run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Because now, because that's not a parent, uh because children are supposed to learn from their parents. Parents are supposed to teach their children. And if they don't teach the children how to you know, speak with communicate, get along with elders, you know, people in authority, or just good old fashioned human respect, then you need to run right.

21:22 Yeah, I mean like we would just randomly, like I just look at her and like, hey, you want to go to the mall. I just want to walk around. Let's go do something, and I'd buy her something like a sweatshirt or a T shirt or whatever it was. Uh, and oh, you're the best, You're the best. You're you're one of my best friends, you know, fist bump and all that stuff these kids do today. And uh, to be hit with that revelation of I never liked you from the minute I met. You, which keep in mind, keep in mind this was also coming from a teenager, so her saying that it could very well be true. It also may have just been her saying that in the moment because she just wanted to hurt you for you know, in the. Moment she was she wasn't agitated, she wasn't hyped up, just out of nowhere, just that came out of her mouth, and I was like, wow, okay, give me everything that I ever gave you, and then I put it in the trash.

22:20 In hindsight, it is one of the greatest tells on the person you're dating of how their kids act. And if I could go back and redo things that I could have saved myself multiple bad relationships SA just that litmus test. Yeah, well, keeping in mind sometimes and we've all seen this and for some of us we've experienced it. You can have a two or three child household and you might have one perfect kid and you might have one Hellien. And that's where it gets interesting, because if all the kids are heliens, then yeah, you should run. If they're all perfect, they're probably great. But if you got a split household on that where it's like one's bad, one's really good, then sometimes it's not necessarily the parent. It's just just get a bad see well.

23:09 And I and I totally agree with you on that. But it is how the parent addresses the child misbehaving that is the greatest tell. If they just sweep it under the rug or justify it or everything anything else, Yep, you have a problem and it's just gonna get bigger. I mean, that's what my biological brother was two years older than me. Like, my mother. Absolutely coddled him the entire his entire life. Uh, and he turned out to be a giant piece of shit where I was left. You know, Hey, my mom used to say this, She's like, you're gonna be fine. I'm not worried about you. Okay, Well that doesn't make any sense, because please worry about me a little bit. But yeah, I mean she made him the way he is today, and that's just so unfortunate because I mean, I'm sure he could have been a good person. He just never knew how to become one.

24:11 Yeah, that's why I'm saying it's so important you have to be tough certain things. Some things you're just gonna learn on your own. Some things are gonna happen, you'll learn as you go through. But some things need to be beaten into you. I never saw him get an ass whopping ever our entire life. It was always me. And he would also throw me under the bus. So like, if something happened to be like he did that, and my mom would believe it. Because why would he lie? Right, That's that's it is crazy to me. Like kids. Lie, that's what they do. Who's Who's Mommy's favorite socio bath?

24:59 He is see a legitimately no remorse, has no feeling. But now apparently he's a little I guess mentally ill. I got a call from one of the neighbors that he was just standing in the yard. I don't think that's brand new. I just think it came out of its husk. He's a Tamali. That's probably why he's standing in the middle of the street screaming. I think he may have a problem. Call his brother. For all things Treehouse, go to Treehouse on air dot com. If you enjoy Deer Treehouse here on YouTube, do us a favor. Go listen to the regular Treehouse shows.

25:49 You're gonna love those as well. Available on your favorite podcasting platforms. It's the Treehouse Show podcast. We'll see you next time right here inside the Treehouse bed. There