YouTube EP 10 | Dear Treehouse | I'm a FART Terrorist

0:06 It is time to leave your worries outside. It is time to leave your worries outside and laugh with us inside the treehouse. I'm Dan, O'Malley along with Raj Sharma and our YouTube guru, mister Trey Trendholm Guru. Seems a bit strong, you know what I say? Start strong, Let's see what happens.

0:58 Yeah, place to go but down. That's right. We are in a treehouse after all. So what do you have on tap for us today inside the treehouse tray? Well, today we're going to do another exciting episode of Dear Treehouse. Yeah, so we're gonna start off with a dear treehouse called Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day? First of all, if you have to ask, you probably are.

1:39 I'm just going to throw that out there with just about every question that uses that similar structure. If you're asking it, you probably are overreacting. You probably are the a hole. It's possible you may not be. I just feel like, statistically speaking, you probably are. Also. What's a nanny family? So basically she is a nanny and it's the family for which she is takes care of their children. Got it? Okay? Just making sure it wasn't some area of porn hub that I wasn't aware of. So it goes like this, Hi everyone, I'm a full time nanny for a stay at home mom with an eight month old baby. The baby is honestly perfect, so sweet and happy. NAP's great. I've been with a family for about seven months now. The mom and dad are both amazing employers. They're super nice to me. The mom even gets me Starbucks and ai E bowls and even makes lunch, and it makes me lunch.

2:33 Sometimes. I make thirty two dollars an hour with great benefits in a mCOL medium cost of living area. So overall, this is a dream job. My only issue is, yeah, that where's the butt? I'm pretty sure the parents are having sex during the dad's lunch break, maybe every day or every other day. They they go to the room and I never see anything inappropriate, but sometimes I hear what I think might be the bed moving. It's not loud or anything, just enough to make me realize what's going on afterward. Her hair is messy, clothes changed, that kind of thing. Would it be totally asked out of line to ask them not to do that? While I'm working or am I overreacting and should just let it go?

3:31 Raj, would you like to start or would you like me to start? I would say, Overrea, maybe they're trying for another kid. Maybe they're trying to have another baby so that they're you know, they're doing what they got to do to have another kid, so I would. And it's also there they're trying to grow their business, which means your uh, your opportunity for employment might be extended if they do, in fact, end up with another kid as a result of these nooners. Yeah, I mean another baby. That's a job security and a raise. Yeah, because now you got two of them to look after. And mind you again, stay at home mom, so the nanny, you know, it's probably not if she's not just by by herself all day.

4:20 Well, clearly not, because the stay at home mom is making the nanny lunch and also for the dad. Probably even probably cuts the crust off, the off the bread. Yeah. Well, honestly she's got time too. If you're a stay at home mom and you have a full time nanny and it's for one kid, I don't know if you get to say you're a stay at home mom if you have a full time nanny with you. I mean, for the definition of the term stay at home mom. Yeah, you're a mom and you're staying at home, But I wouldn't necessarily say that's your occupation if you have a full time nanny there as well. It just seems like, strictly from an organizational standpoint, from a business, it seems odd to have two managers for one employee. Not one employee, but two managers dealing with the one child. It sounds more like the iHeartRadio approach to baby city.

5:22 Maybe she has like a home business or works from home, so she could be doing that as well. Yeah, could be, and that would make sense. Yeah, we don't know. There's a little bit of information we don't know. We don't know it from what it sounds like, I mean, the dad could be, you know, working from home as well, No idea. They may have a home office and they're both doing homework and then the nanty's taking care of the kittle day. Whatever the situation is. At the core, she wants to know is she overreacting because she feels a little uncomfortable because her employers are having sex in their bedroom in their house that she works in. And yeah, like great benefits along with thirty two dollars an hour means she's making probably eighty plus.

6:11 That's a good job. Yeah, you know how I know she hasn't had many other jobs because she don't know how good she's got it with this one. You want to go out into the world to see what else is out there. Go for it. Don't quit this job until you do that. We don't see what else is out there before you start, you know, complaining about about your bosses getting it on into the middle of the day. And again and not in front of her, not even doing anything remotely. Yeah, they go to their room, which I'm gonna guess is you know, away from the nannies. You just hear maybe the bed creaking a little bit. Do you not understand how the first kid got here?

6:54 Also, go to a different route if you know this is the routine every day or every other day, oh somewhere else. Yeah, I'm assuming that baby's got a stroller and it can go outside. Just consider that the time that you take the kid to the. Park or ear muff. Also that you know, yeah, put your earbuds in and turn up some music and while you're at it, put them on the kid too. Well, you don't have to be fielding any inappropriate questions too soon in that kid's life. This is not that big of a deal. I will say this because of the environment. It's it's you're in their home. I think they're allowed to do that in their home. It's not like it's happening in the kitchen while mom is making a sandwich for you, the nanny.

7:46 It's not like Dad is behind mom making it with mom at the same time. So they're they're doing it away from me. They're not doing it in front of you. They're being respectful of their own privacy and trying not to flaunt it in front of you. Kind of a thing. So if you take this same exact scenario and you put it in an actual corporate workplace, not appropriate, right, But in the home it should be okay, right. Yes, But yeh, it's definitely not appropriate at the workplace. I mean, just ask Matt Lauer. Ye if the husband was bending the wife over in the kitchen, I understand she would have grounds for being inappropriate.

8:33 But again, the worst thing she she says is that the wife comes out with some messed up hair and changed clothes. You know, it's not like she's got you know, spooge on her face or anything, and that she hears the here's the bed creek. Maybe they're wrestling, Yeah, maybe a good professional pull of fighters. Yeah you said fighters, right, Okay, But yes, Trey, if if she missed a spot again that I would assume that would be accidental and not intentional or you're not trying to make them any uncomfortable type of situation. But yet, at the same time, what does she do if if she has like a legitimate HR issue, who do you go to?

9:24 I guess it would be him because she's the one at home, so she'd have the complaint against the lady, So I guess she would have to go to him. I mean, it doesn't say if she lives with him full time, but yeah, the fact you're making thirty two dollars an hour being a nanny with she says benefits. I'm assuming she gets healthcare and something like that. I mean, clearly she's young and has not been out in the workplace very much. Because I can assure you she goes somebody else, she's gonna be missing that job really quick. Yes, a good job. You get a good job like that in this economy, you keep it. Yeah, I mean if she said the kid was an absolute terror, maybe okay, start looking for another job. But again, just the kid's great, it take snaps happy.

10:13 I want this job. Yeah yeah, and you're gonna look at it. And the kid's happy. Mom and dad are happy. This is a very loving household. Yeah, this is all about perspective. This this this young woman. I'm assuming woman has no idea how good she has it. Maybe she needs to just get some dick. Maybe that's the benefits package that she's talking about. Oh well, that's a way to go. I would love to see if you commented on that. And that's what you said. And as a response to whether or not she was overreacting, you just need.

10:55 All right, well. Yes you're overreacting. Yeah. So next up on Dear Treehouse titled I farted on my co worker. I'm sorry, I farted on my stupid coworker. Okay, so this is intentional. Yes. So this is written by a girl that's a hostess at a restaurant bar that says it's a three floor restaurant bar. And she said one bartender Mac has the tendency to do what she likes to call maxplaining it will always go on about, you know, the highest paying tables should always be seated in his section, and basically just sounds like I know it all blow hard bartender that wants the hostess to seat what they consider the big money guests with him so he can give them the best service.

11:54 So evidently. Mac has now pissed this hostess off to the point where at one point he went on a tirade because she said a group of older women in his section and they did not tip well, and so he berated her in front of the rest of the staff. So she said, one shift, I felt a particularly heinous fart brewing and got a sinister idea for context, I'm not a regular farighter. Yes you are are, Yes you are if you describe it in that manner, and the fact that you know it's a particularly heinous one just brewing. You know the difference between a normal toot and a heinous one just by feeling it in your gut, you're a regular farighter.

12:52 So I'm not a regular fartherer of And it did mean like she's not saying like she does it on a regular basis. See a lifetime of terribly disordered eating habits has rendered my gut to be a few strokes shy of a chemical weapon, and I've instigated several heated arguments on fart politics amongst my friends, all with the power of a single fart. I'm so glad you mentioned that this was a girl, because if you hadn't, I would have assumed it was a guy. Oh yeah, that's. And this terrifies me. That's for a.

13:35 Girl to be this self aware of her gut means she is a time bomb. She is a fart terrorist. Well, her bowels are an ied, so says there. Mac is sitting behind the bar washing glasses fast as hell during a rush, and I thought, wow, how helpful would I be? I go put them away behind the bar for him while he makes orders for customers. So, for of course, I go to my way behind the bar to help Mac, and right as he's behind me shaking cocktails, I let it rip some of my finest work. I must add. I realize I'm not supposed to feel bad for Mac in this situation, but knowing everything that you've told me about this young woman, I actually do kind of feel bad for him, even though he's a great a jerk because he had no idea how unmatched he was in this tech.

14:36 So I peeked over to Mac to see if he'd been caught in the radius, and sure enough, there he is. He's just with his face twisted in sheer disgust. It's kind of like the like the beginnings of the VX Boys and Gas in the movie The Rock with Nick Cage. It's like like once his face starts to bubble and he spits out his own guts, That's how you know she was there. To make matters. There were two pretty girls seated across from him at the bar, seemingly clear of the nuke zone. As I was fleeing the scene, I caught Mac drying unsuccessfully to keep his cool in the midst of the stitch while attempting to chat up these girls.

15:17 Oh god, see if the girl has a sense of adventure, but the sense of humor would have been to just as she let it go at one point, just go goddamn Mac and walk away. Look, any good terrorists has a patsy. The satisfaction of that moment led me to get a little carried away, and I started systematically targeting Mac whenever I needed to fart on shift. Oh my god. What one time I even made myself a protein pack green smoothie up by the impact after shift where he'd been particularly menacing. When I saw Mac frantically talk to a manager, pointing at the open drain under the bar and checking the fridges for milk spills, I knew I'd gone too far.

16:18 She is a walking biohazard. Oh my god. Yeah, when your parts are so bad, people think there's a sewage backup, there's a problems. Yeah, because there's nothing. When you're behind the bar and you know when one of the drains is backing up, it lets out. I mean that sewer smell is foul, and when you're ripping them, they're checking for rotten eggs and milk and sewer backups. If your poop tube resembles anything remotely close to a commercial grade actual sewage line, I think she should go check out. She needs to see a doctor, She needs to go see a all just figure out what's going on there.

17:09 The fact that she knows there's certain foods she can eat and win to get maximum impact, I mean, I don't know whether to be just completely disgusted or a little impressed. I think you can be both at the same time. Because I am. I hope that I never cross sabers with her. I like, I'll put it to you this way. I hope if there's ever any sort of a world conflict again, or the inevitable second Civil War in the United States, I just hope I'm on the side that she's on, because she may turn the tide.

17:58 It's clever, though, I mean, I know I would have never thought to do that, I said to in all of my fifty years, I never thought to, you know what this guy's pissing me off, done, to fart on him. Yeah, because you have to be careful because if you decide to weaponize your backside, it could backfire because you may try to smoke him out, but then you may end up, you know, letting it loose, letting it lose down your own leg. Well, bartenders are notorious for doing like walking out from behind the bar and either doing it to a server or customers or whatever. But the fact that it's a hostess doing it to a bartender is really quite funny.

18:47 And there's one other aspect that we need to point out here. Girl farts are worse than guy farts. It's just science. I don't know the science behind it, but it's science kind of like kind of like how cat turds are worse than dog turds. There's just a different like level of sour smell to it. So with no tweaking whatsoever, I firmly believe that there's there's the guide too, and the girl toot is is more severe mhm. She is now adding in recipes to make them even worse.

19:31 I mean, I still have nightmares about going into my grandmother's bathroom after she had been using it, and that's a smell I can never get out of my nose. And she wasn't she wasn't weaponizing it. That's just you know, because she just whatever she ate that day, Yeah, hunt and they were they're pretty bad. Well, and it's it's just not something. I'm sure Mac has no idea that it's an it's the female like I mean, I'm sure he's probably looking at there's another male bartender or something like that, the last one you would expect, the cute female hostess, the cute hostess.

20:21 The person. It's always the person you least expect. But you know, I have a feeling there will be one of these down the road of you know, I farted out my boyfriend and he left me. Oh. Another fine edition of Deer Treehouse. Thank you Trey. For all things Treehouse, go to Treehouse on air dot com. Be sure to listen to the Treehouse Show podcast, available everywhere you get your podcasts, including Spotify, iHeartRadio, app, Apple Podcasts, and more. Also, be sure to like and subscribe right here on YouTube. We appreciate it. We'll see you next time right here inside the Treehouse.